And there was one... more to the family

Wow. Garrett is upon us. What turned into a kinda routine, kinda not routine check-up is now a full-fledged baby snatching extravaganza. I've always know a baby would be coming, but today is the first time it feels real, and it scares me.

I know everything will be fine, but part of me thinks something will happen to him too. I mean, I'm stupid clumsy. I know I'm going to drop him, or hit his head on something, or accidentally let him listen to Katy Perry. You know, bad stuff.

I know God will provide the knowledge to raise him. It's just hard to imagine that when I've never had a kid before. Anyway, I want some birthday cake for him too. Hopefully I can get some so when you come to see him, you get cake too!

What's the difference between me and a baby?

So Garrett will be here shortly. Like, anytime now shortly. It's crazy to think that just a year ago I was still trying to figure out how to own a house (I'm still doing that. If I come up with anything, I'll let you know). Now, another human being will be dependent on me to live. This got me thinking though. Do I live I like I have to depend on God? Do I cry out to Christ at every need so that He will hear me? Do I take comfort in His presence? Would I die without Him?

The answer is sadly no. My life goes on as if nothing about me has changed, like my sins weren't nailed to the cross and my life isn't hidden in Christ. Why is it that the one thing that I claim will change your life isn't changing mine?

There are two paths that lay before me. One is the current path. I try to make Christ known through doing the same thing everyone else is doing. I try to worship God by just singing some songs and nothing more. Or I take the other path. I stop caring about my earthly job and focus on those who need more than I do. I stop caring about my own income and start caring about the sick, the hungry, those in prison. I stop trying to live for Jesus and I start living in Jesus. I stop, He starts.

It's hard, it really is. Especially when I think about Audrey and Garrett. I don;t want anything to happen to them, but I want Christ to have everything about me. i want to live like a newborn, completely dependent on my Holy Father. I guess that's why Jesus said our faith is to be like children's. Not full of worry, not full of greed and envy, but totally consumed in Christ's love and totally in need of Him. May God start to make me give more, speak more, share more, love more.